Episodes

Morning Crankers is turning up the heat — and adding a brand-new voice. In the December 17, 2025 episode, Hans officially welcomes ROXXY (Foxxy Roxxy) as a new co-host, bringing fresh energy, sharp humor, and unfiltered commentary to the Morning Crankers chaos. This episode fires on all cylinders as the crew breaks down: • The hottest-selling Christmas presents of the year — what everyone actually wants vs. what’s already sold out • National days of the week, because yes… apparently everythi...

MORNING CRANKERS – “Space Dots & Stolen Driveways” Hosted by Hans | Runtime: ~40 Minutes A blues-rock soaked, caffeine-fueled rant-fest for America’s favorite lovable grouch. The universe is officially trolling us — and Hans is here to break it all down with premium crankiness. In today’s episode, the James Webb Space Telescope reveals mysterious “little red dots” billions of light-years away… objects so bizarre that even the smartest astrophysicists are shrugging like mechanics looking at a ...

Before the all-new Morning Crankers hits in December, we’re bringing you a special compilation of fan-favorite moments from the archives. This episode brings together the best jokes, the wildest rants, the weirdest news stories, and classic Cranker chaos to hold you over as we finish retooling the show into something bigger, louder, and even funnier. With Greg taking a temporary leave of absence, we hit reset behind the scenes — rebuilding Morning Crankers piece by piece to deliver the funniest ...

This week on the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast, Hans takes you on a bullet-train ride through the weirdest headlines the universe coughed up. Iceland now has MOSQUITOES for the first time ever, every shrimp in England apparently parties harder than Motley Crüe, Amazon is turning delivery drivers into cyborgs with Terminator glasses, and ChatGPT now works BETTER when you're mean to it (which is honestly the most human AI behavior yet). From a couple who broke into a restaurant, hooked up in fr...

In today’s precision-engineered episode of Morning Crankers, Hans calmly dissects a world that appears increasingly allergic to normal. Scientists have invented a magnet-driven lantern that folds, crawls, and gently kidnaps fish. Astronomers are tracking a mysterious interstellar object on a direct path toward our star — “probably a comet” in the same tone people use to say “probably not haunted.” The legendary Sandy Hook sea serpent has re-entered public conversation like folklore that refuses ...

On today’s Morning Crankers Podcast, Jeremy dives headfirst into the chaotic corners of curiosity — from the rise of AI glasses and their questionable uses, to the most iconic foods in Major League Baseball, to a shocking Spanish treasure discovery off the coast of Florida! And just when you thought it couldn’t get more random, we’re hitting you with 25 hilarious nonsense questions about life that’ll make you laugh, think, and question humanity all over again. This episode is a rollercoaster of...

It’s October 10th, and the Morning Crankers crew is back to bite into the wildest headlines with a full cup of caffeine and zero filters. From the rising wave of animal attacks—including bear and shark encounters that’ll make you check your backyard twice—to funny correlations between women and modern science, this episode is packed with laughter, facts, and just the right amount of chaos. We also sink our teeth into Monster, the Netflix show everyone’s buzzing about, unwrap some sweet intrigue...

Start your day with a caffeine-fueled comedy ride in this episode of Morning Crankers: Pants, Politics & Paper Bags. Hans takes you through seven jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud stories that prove the world has officially gone off the rails. From the Birmingham woman who forgot her PANTS and a Florida principal busted for a $37 Walmart heist, to a UK carjacker wielding a paper bag as his “weapon,” the stupidity is strong today. Sports fans get their share too: Jerry Jones compares a tie to “kissin...

This week on Morning Crankers, we crank up the chaos and laughter with stories you couldn’t make up if you tried. From a woman who didn’t realize she was pregnant until she delivered a 7.8-pound baby (talk about a surprise gift bag) to the infamous Orgy Dome at Burning Man literally blowing away in the desert wind, the headlines are as unhinged as ever. But that’s not all—we dive into the toxic traits of today’s dating scene, explore Florida’s bizarre new plan to unleash cyborg bunnies to hunt ...

Buckle up for another chaotic ride with the Morning Crankers Comedy Podcast! Today’s episode dives headfirst into the bizarre and hilarious world we live in. From radioactive wasps to a deadly rattlesnake bite, the Crankers explore just how upside down things have gotten. We cover today’s wild National Days, the mysterious disappearance of Gred from the show, and unbelievable stories like meat-eating rabbits with horns roaming Colorado. We also dig into Hillary Clinton’s shocking comments about ...

Strap in for another wild ride with Morning Crankers, where coffee meets chaos and current events get the roast they deserve! In today’s episode, we kick things off with a tragic yet historic story—the first man to break the sound barrier in a skydive has died in a helicopter crash. We shift gears to celebrate TJ Watt's massive payday with the Pittsburgh Steelers, then hop across the pond where Denmark is renting its air defense (yes, really). In entertainment news, we’re fired up about the ret...

On this unfiltered and chaotic July 10th edition of Morning Crankers, your favorite neon-fueled duo dives headfirst into the absurdity of today’s headlines with humor, sarcasm, and a healthy dose of skepticism. 🔥 First up—federal workers are sounding the alarm, admitting they’re “toast” amid rising public pressure, inefficiency scandals, and internal chaos. We break down what this bureaucratic breakdown really means for America. 🔫 Then—in a scene straight out of a Cold War thriller, China alle...

Welcome to the July 7, 2025 episode of Morning Crankers, where comedy meets chaos and caffeine. Today’s show dives headfirst into the bizarre, the infuriating, and the absolutely unbelievable—just the way you like it. We kick things off with a mind-bending (and slightly horrifying) look at the rising presence of microplastics in semen and ovaries—yes, you read that right. What does this mean for humanity, health, and that water bottle you’ve been sipping from? Next, we blast the political hypo...

Morning Crankers – July 4th Fireworks, Swamp Crotch, and Rescue Missions Detailed Episode Description: It’s the red, white, and ridiculous on this special July 4th edition of Morning Crankers! Join your favorite unapologetically raw morning duo as they crack into the chaos of America’s birthday — Cranker-style. First up, Greg's making his big, sweaty move to Wisconsin. He’s hauling boxes, breaking backs, and getting one step closer to cheese curds and Packers fandom. We salute his sacrifice… bu...

On this wild ride of Morning Crankers, we crank up the chaos with a mix of comedy, curiosity, and candid commentary. May 23rd brings us a stacked lineup: we kick off with today’s National Days (and yes, we try to celebrate them all wrong). Then it’s onto a headline that defies belief — a woman missing for 60 years is found alive! From Earth to orbit, we cover China’s space station discovering bacteria from outer space — what could possibly go wrong? We’ll also ruin your nap plans with the itchy ...

In this outrageous episode of Morning Crankers, we dive headfirst into May 19th's National Days with our signature comedic twist, and we turn up the heat with our hilarious hit song, "Hotter Than a Possum's Armpit," featuring a special cameo by Bill from Curious Cars. But that's not all! We also break down the jaw-dropping story of a millionaire who won a $100,000 lawsuit in England after being falsely accused of skipping out on a lunch bill. Ever wondered what happens when a Japanese boy's obse...

Welcome to the first chaotic, hilarious, and wildly inappropriate episode of Dr. Cranker’s Comedy Clinic on Morning Crankers! In this outrageous skit, the infamous Dr. Cranker shares his top ten list of things you should absolutely NEVER stick in your butthole. From pineapples to live hamsters, fireworks to self-help books – Dr. Cranker’s dubious but hilarious medical advice will leave you laughing and cringing in equal measure. Tune in for comedy that’s a little bit twisted, a little bit wild, ...

Get ready for a wild ride on today's Morning Crankers! We kick off with a hilarious performance of our brand-new song "Big Trailer Booty," bringing the laughs and the rhythm you crave. Then, we dive into some jaw-dropping stories from around the world: archaeologists uncover a 2,000-year-old weapons hoard, a swarm of mosquitoes fills an entire plane, and a United Nations Judge is convicted for owning a slave from Uganda. The madness doesn’t stop there—we cover the heart-pounding story of a missi...

Dive into another wildly entertaining episode of Morning Crankers, where today we explore the deep blue and beyond! We kick things off with a look at the National Days you didn't know you needed to celebrate. Then, we plunge into the bizarre world of sharks, including some of the weirdest species you've never heard of and the shocking claim that influencers are causing a rise in shark attacks! But that's not all—discover how dolphins are getting high on puffer fish and why this underwater escapa...

On this May 2nd episode of Morning Crankers, chaos reigns supreme—from crime-trained animals pulling off petty thefts to a man literally sneezing his guts out over breakfast (talk about a bad start to the day). We dig into the shocking #1 box office hit "Sinners", dissect why Revenge of the Sith might be getting its long-awaited revenge 20 years later, and explore the murky past of Operation Mockingbird and its ties to Stuccimedia.com. Plus, we unearth the ancient hell ant (yes, that’s a real th...

Buckle up for the wild ride that is Morning Crankers, May 1st edition! We dive into the chaotic brilliance of Tom Hardy’s gritty new Netflix flick Havoc, preview the epic crossover clash with the new Alien vs Predator movie, and ask the question nobody else will: Why are people getting turned on by their air fryers?! Plus, we fetch some laughs with a canine surfing competition that’ll have your tail wagging, explore how Jobu became the unexpected lucky charm for the St. Louis Blues, and unpack t...

On today's episode of Morning Crankers, chaos reigns supreme! We kick off with a rundown of today's National Days before diving headfirst into some of the most absurdly hilarious news you won't believe is real. First up, the "Dirty Diddler" shocks the courtroom by turning down a plea deal. Then we flap into the insane case of a woman convicted of killing her husband — thanks to a parrot’s testimony! We also talk about a man who torches his mother's house over money (hint: it’s not for bills), an...

On today’s episode of Morning Crankers, we serve up a wild platter of news, laughs, and pure chaos! We break down the latest drama surrounding the NFL Draft and give our hilarious take on Shedeur Sanders facing some serious heat at the NFL roast. We also dive underground — literally — as we explore the secretive world of a Colorado Springs underground club that's making headlines. In more bizarre news, a Milwaukee judge finds himself behind bars (for real), a priceless piece of abstract artwork ...

Get your satirical shades on—Morning Crankers just dropped their most unapologetically hilarious original song yet: Made in CHINA, Paid in Blood. This punchy parody track tears into consumer culture, global trade irony, and the glorious absurdity of buying cheap while paying the moral premium. With savage lyrics, explosive humor, and Johnny Bravo-level bravado, this tune roasts the modern marketplace while keeping the beat loud and the satire louder. Perfect for anyone who’s ever rolled their ey...